Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
He Must Have a Really Ruff Life
Awwww. Look at that angelic, sleeping puppy. Isn't he so cute?
Don't be fooled. That angelic puppy is the same puppy that decided a few days ago that he wasn't content with the look of his yard and decided to take it upon himself to improve the landscape...
with none other than large breed puppy sized hole! In just a couple of swipes, nonetheless.
Okay, so he USUALLY is a cute, angelic puppy who loves to be babied by his kids.
And I just happen to have the awesome privilege of filling the large hole he so thoughtfully decided to strategically place in the middle of my yard. Wasn't that so gracious of him?
Friday, January 30, 2009
A Little Parody
I saw this on my TJEdSecular Yahoo! list and just had to share...
Home Eating a Threat to Public Kitchens?
State Allows Growing Trend of Eating at Home
A Parody by Angela Paul
April 13, 2099
Reunited Press
After much heated debate on the house floor, legislation was passed today to allow a growing number of families to cook meals for their families in their homes. The children must have annual physical examinations to assure proper growth and weight gain. Attempts to require weekly meal plans and monthly kitchen inspections were voted down.
A spokesperson from the National Association of Nutritionists (NANs) condemns this decision. "These children are being denied the rich socialization and diversity that is an essential part of the eating process. Without the proper nutritional background, it is impossible for the average person to feed their own children. We, as child advocates, see this as a step backwards and speak out for the sake of the children who cannot speak for themselves."
Homecooking parents say the benefits of eating at home include increased family unity and the ability to tailor a diet to a particular need. Elizabeth Crocker, a home cook, states, "We started cooking and eating at home when we realized that my son had a severe allergy to eggs. The public kitchens required him to take numerous medications that had serious side effects in order to counteract his allergy. We found that eliminating eggs was a simpler method and our son has thrived since we began doing so."
After this experience, the Crockers decided to home cook for all of their children, and converted their media room into a kitchen. Elizabeth says, "We have experienced so much closeness as we have explored recipes and spent time cooking together and eating together. We have a dining circle with other families where we sometimes share ideas and meals together."
The Crocker children have done well physically under their mother's care, weighing in at optimum weights for their ages and having health records far above average. It should be noted that Mrs. Crocker, while not a professional nutritionist, has a family history rich with nutritionists and home economists. "Surely the success of the Crocker children is due to the background of their mother," responded the spokesman from NANs. "The results they have achieved should not be viewed as normative." Mrs. Crocker counters that her background was actually a hindrance to the nutritional principles she follows. "Our paternal great-grandmother was a home economist, but she prepared most meal from pre-made mixes. In our homecooking we try not to duplicate public-kitchen meals, but to tailor our meals to the needs and preferences of our children."
In a related issue, legislation is in committee that would provide oversight for the emerging homecooking movement. Says the Home Eating Legal Defense Association (HELDA): "We want to provide umbrella kitchens to aid parents in the complicated tasks of feeding their children. Many families lack the expertise of the Crocker family, yet desire to eat at home. As we have seen, the umbrella kitchens meet the needs of all concerned. We are happy to provide this service."
Copyright © Angela Paul, 1999 - 2008.
Home Eating a Threat to Public Kitchens?
State Allows Growing Trend of Eating at Home
A Parody by Angela Paul
April 13, 2099
Reunited Press
After much heated debate on the house floor, legislation was passed today to allow a growing number of families to cook meals for their families in their homes. The children must have annual physical examinations to assure proper growth and weight gain. Attempts to require weekly meal plans and monthly kitchen inspections were voted down.
A spokesperson from the National Association of Nutritionists (NANs) condemns this decision. "These children are being denied the rich socialization and diversity that is an essential part of the eating process. Without the proper nutritional background, it is impossible for the average person to feed their own children. We, as child advocates, see this as a step backwards and speak out for the sake of the children who cannot speak for themselves."
Homecooking parents say the benefits of eating at home include increased family unity and the ability to tailor a diet to a particular need. Elizabeth Crocker, a home cook, states, "We started cooking and eating at home when we realized that my son had a severe allergy to eggs. The public kitchens required him to take numerous medications that had serious side effects in order to counteract his allergy. We found that eliminating eggs was a simpler method and our son has thrived since we began doing so."
After this experience, the Crockers decided to home cook for all of their children, and converted their media room into a kitchen. Elizabeth says, "We have experienced so much closeness as we have explored recipes and spent time cooking together and eating together. We have a dining circle with other families where we sometimes share ideas and meals together."
The Crocker children have done well physically under their mother's care, weighing in at optimum weights for their ages and having health records far above average. It should be noted that Mrs. Crocker, while not a professional nutritionist, has a family history rich with nutritionists and home economists. "Surely the success of the Crocker children is due to the background of their mother," responded the spokesman from NANs. "The results they have achieved should not be viewed as normative." Mrs. Crocker counters that her background was actually a hindrance to the nutritional principles she follows. "Our paternal great-grandmother was a home economist, but she prepared most meal from pre-made mixes. In our homecooking we try not to duplicate public-kitchen meals, but to tailor our meals to the needs and preferences of our children."
In a related issue, legislation is in committee that would provide oversight for the emerging homecooking movement. Says the Home Eating Legal Defense Association (HELDA): "We want to provide umbrella kitchens to aid parents in the complicated tasks of feeding their children. Many families lack the expertise of the Crocker family, yet desire to eat at home. As we have seen, the umbrella kitchens meet the needs of all concerned. We are happy to provide this service."
Copyright © Angela Paul, 1999 - 2008.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Isn't Clothing Optional?
Jensen is our token nudist. If given the option, he would never wear clothing. I don’t think it has anything to do with his dislike of the texture of clothing, but rather the freedom of not wearing any. Jolie, on the other hand, had certain textures that she wouldn’t wear and was very particular about the seams and tags in her clothing. Regardless, she always found something that worked (though she may have worn it for a week straight because it felt good) and was rarely naked.
I spent a majority of the day today trying to keep Jensen clothed while we were at a homeschool costume party. He started out in jammies (which he chooses to wear most of the day, everyday), and then transitioned into his Spiderman costume, followed by undies. What? Undies?
Yup. I walked in to the party after a doctor’s appointment (I’m fine, just some fluid in my ear caused by a sinus infection that was causing some dizziness, nausea and headaches…I’ll be fine by the end of the week) to find him running around the backyard in his Buzz Lightyear glow-in-the-dark undies.
Luckily, most of the mommies didn’t protest too loudly. They either understood my struggle, or were just being nice, quietly cursing my child under their breath. All I can say is at least he was wearing underwear. As soon as we got home he lost those too.
He did finally put on a shirt at the costume party, so it looked like he was wearing a dress, satisfying everyone.
Unless we are attending an important function, I usually let my kids wear what they please. Jensen can be found wearing rain boots (Jake's old holey rain boots at that) all year long with a cape as an accessory; Jolie will wear any shirt with a jean skirt as long as she can pair them with colorful socks; and Jake is usually wearing differing shades of the same color. I feel that by choosing their own clothes, they are being allowed to express themselves. I don’t remember my mom ever dictating what I had to wear unless we were going somewhere where formal clothes were necessary, and even then we weren’t restricted much.
I know that Jensen will outgrow his nakedness in time. For now, be prepared to experience a little nakedness if you’re making a trip to our place. Outside the house undies are required, but at home, clothing is optional if you are Jensen.
I spent a majority of the day today trying to keep Jensen clothed while we were at a homeschool costume party. He started out in jammies (which he chooses to wear most of the day, everyday), and then transitioned into his Spiderman costume, followed by undies. What? Undies?
Yup. I walked in to the party after a doctor’s appointment (I’m fine, just some fluid in my ear caused by a sinus infection that was causing some dizziness, nausea and headaches…I’ll be fine by the end of the week) to find him running around the backyard in his Buzz Lightyear glow-in-the-dark undies.
Luckily, most of the mommies didn’t protest too loudly. They either understood my struggle, or were just being nice, quietly cursing my child under their breath. All I can say is at least he was wearing underwear. As soon as we got home he lost those too.
He did finally put on a shirt at the costume party, so it looked like he was wearing a dress, satisfying everyone.
Unless we are attending an important function, I usually let my kids wear what they please. Jensen can be found wearing rain boots (Jake's old holey rain boots at that) all year long with a cape as an accessory; Jolie will wear any shirt with a jean skirt as long as she can pair them with colorful socks; and Jake is usually wearing differing shades of the same color. I feel that by choosing their own clothes, they are being allowed to express themselves. I don’t remember my mom ever dictating what I had to wear unless we were going somewhere where formal clothes were necessary, and even then we weren’t restricted much.
I know that Jensen will outgrow his nakedness in time. For now, be prepared to experience a little nakedness if you’re making a trip to our place. Outside the house undies are required, but at home, clothing is optional if you are Jensen.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
What to do...
What do you do when you're bored in the hotel room, waiting to drive to Florida?
Jump on Daddy-Man, of course.
What do you do when you're bored in an empty house, waiting for your stuff to arrive?
Ride on Daddy-Man, of course.
Daddy-Man...The most bestest daddy ever and ever!
Friday, April 4, 2008
If You Give a Mom a Muffin
I got this as an email today. If you want a peek into my daily life, read on...
If You Give A Mom A Muffin
(Based on "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" by Laura Numeroff)
If you give a Mom a muffin,
She'll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
She'll pour herself some.
The coffee will get spilled by her three year old.
She'll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she will find some dirty socks.
She'll remember she has to do some laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
She'll trip over some snow boots and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan dinner for tonight.
She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She will look for her cookbook (101 Things to Make With a Pound of Hamburger).
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two year old.
She'll smell something funny.
She'll change the two year old.
While she is changing the two year old the phone will ring.
Her four year old will answer it and hang up.
She remembers that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee on Friday.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
She will pour herself some.
And chances are......
If she has a cup of coffee......
Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.
Author: Kathy Fictorie
If You Give A Mom A Muffin
(Based on "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" by Laura Numeroff)
If you give a Mom a muffin,
She'll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
She'll pour herself some.
The coffee will get spilled by her three year old.
She'll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she will find some dirty socks.
She'll remember she has to do some laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
She'll trip over some snow boots and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan dinner for tonight.
She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She will look for her cookbook (101 Things to Make With a Pound of Hamburger).
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two year old.
She'll smell something funny.
She'll change the two year old.
While she is changing the two year old the phone will ring.
Her four year old will answer it and hang up.
She remembers that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee on Friday.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
She will pour herself some.
And chances are......
If she has a cup of coffee......
Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.
Author: Kathy Fictorie
Monday, March 24, 2008
The Miller Cut
I have become a Jack of all trades. I am a chef, an accountant, a maid, a chauffeur, a nurse, and a beautician. Initially I started cutting Justin’s hair as a means of saving money. He needs a haircut every four to six weeks to maintain his military “look.” The first few months, I had questionable results…just ask some of the guys he worked with at the time. They have a name for the “look” my poor husband had to endure, which I shall not speak of here. Now, eight years later, I have perfected my skills and do a pretty mean haircut if I do say so myself.
Yesterday was Miller Cut day at our house. It was that time, once again, when I turn the half bath into a salon and line my boys up for their shearing.
Jensen was first. He is on Miller Cut #5, I believe. He is usually pretty excited about the idea of getting a haircut, but once he sees the buzzers, he changes his mind pretty quickly. Have you ever seen someone try to wrestle a pig? Well, that was similar to Jensen’s most recent Miller Cut experience, except I was trying to cut his hair during the wrestling. His cut turned out great, except for two little spots that will need some additional “love” at a later, more relaxed time. He was in dire need of a haircut and now looks much more like a big boy than he did before.
Justin was next. He is my best customer when it comes to sitting still. Pickiness is another story. I have been cutting his hair the same way for the last eight, well, probably seven and a half years…after we worked out the kinks. I know in advance each of the spots he will ultimately tell me need to be gone over again. I have learned to just smile and nod and make it look like I’ve cut some additional hair, even though nothing really needs to be fixed. He is trying to “update” his style now that we are going to be changing duty stations and he will get to be “the Chief.” I think I’m going to have to up my skill in order to maintain his new look.
Jakob denied a Miller Cut at this time. His last haircut was in June before his annual photos were taken. He wants to grow his hair out to his shoulders. I am hoping to convince him otherwise, but I’m trying to let him be his own person. I will probably splurge sometime before his birthday and have his hair shaped out on town so that we can get photos taken.
Jolie has only had about five Miller Cuts. She is growing her hair out in order to donate at least ten inches for the Locks of Love program. Her hair is long enough now, but we are going to wait another month so that it will be a little longer and possibly give her a slightly longer than chin-length cut.
By instituting Miller Cuts, we are able to save a significant amount of money each year.
We figure that for a basic haircut (at the Exchange) we would pay about $8-$11 plus tip. Justin needs a haircut about every six weeks. That equates to about $80-$104 a year. Our boys wouldn’t need haircuts as often, we’ll say every two months. That would be about $60-$88 a year each. Jolie would probably need a haircut every three months or so, which comes to $40-$52. Imagine how much more it would cost if we went to a popular salon. I have asked Justin to cut my hair, but he isn’t confident enough (I am pretty particular and don’t really blame him for declining). We have chosen that I will get my hair cut out on town, which dips in to some of our savings, but is necessary.
Our total savings per year for haircuts is about $200-$280, after taking into account the cost of my haircuts. All I can say is…Go Miller Cuts!
Yesterday was Miller Cut day at our house. It was that time, once again, when I turn the half bath into a salon and line my boys up for their shearing.
Jensen was first. He is on Miller Cut #5, I believe. He is usually pretty excited about the idea of getting a haircut, but once he sees the buzzers, he changes his mind pretty quickly. Have you ever seen someone try to wrestle a pig? Well, that was similar to Jensen’s most recent Miller Cut experience, except I was trying to cut his hair during the wrestling. His cut turned out great, except for two little spots that will need some additional “love” at a later, more relaxed time. He was in dire need of a haircut and now looks much more like a big boy than he did before.
Justin was next. He is my best customer when it comes to sitting still. Pickiness is another story. I have been cutting his hair the same way for the last eight, well, probably seven and a half years…after we worked out the kinks. I know in advance each of the spots he will ultimately tell me need to be gone over again. I have learned to just smile and nod and make it look like I’ve cut some additional hair, even though nothing really needs to be fixed. He is trying to “update” his style now that we are going to be changing duty stations and he will get to be “the Chief.” I think I’m going to have to up my skill in order to maintain his new look.
Jakob denied a Miller Cut at this time. His last haircut was in June before his annual photos were taken. He wants to grow his hair out to his shoulders. I am hoping to convince him otherwise, but I’m trying to let him be his own person. I will probably splurge sometime before his birthday and have his hair shaped out on town so that we can get photos taken.
Jolie has only had about five Miller Cuts. She is growing her hair out in order to donate at least ten inches for the Locks of Love program. Her hair is long enough now, but we are going to wait another month so that it will be a little longer and possibly give her a slightly longer than chin-length cut.
By instituting Miller Cuts, we are able to save a significant amount of money each year.
We figure that for a basic haircut (at the Exchange) we would pay about $8-$11 plus tip. Justin needs a haircut about every six weeks. That equates to about $80-$104 a year. Our boys wouldn’t need haircuts as often, we’ll say every two months. That would be about $60-$88 a year each. Jolie would probably need a haircut every three months or so, which comes to $40-$52. Imagine how much more it would cost if we went to a popular salon. I have asked Justin to cut my hair, but he isn’t confident enough (I am pretty particular and don’t really blame him for declining). We have chosen that I will get my hair cut out on town, which dips in to some of our savings, but is necessary.
Our total savings per year for haircuts is about $200-$280, after taking into account the cost of my haircuts. All I can say is…Go Miller Cuts!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Gotta Love Newborn Diapers
A friend of mine is the proud homeschooling mom to six girls. Yes, I said SIX girls. I'm sure she gets asked quite often, "So, were you trying for a boy?" But who wouldn't be happy with girls. I am one of four daughters and my parents never once seemed upset not to have a son. We all learned how to mow the grass and worked in the yard as well if not better than any boy.
Well, back to diapers. Being the mom of six, she has definitely seen her share of diapers. I only have three, and I know I've seen my fair share. Daughter #6 is very new to the family (I guess she's about 3 months old now), and in those wee first days, she, along will all newborns, blessed her mother with many a dirty diaper.
The question is, how do babies do it? No matter what kind of diaper, whether commercial or cloth, all babies bless us with one or more of these surprises, sometimes not even dirtying the diaper, making the process a real mystery.
I am now towards the end of my diapering years. Jensen is starting to examine the potty with much enthusiasm. We are not "potty pushers." He'll be potty trained when he is darn ready. As my mom always says, "They won't be going to college in diapers." Ain't that the truth!
Well, back to diapers. Being the mom of six, she has definitely seen her share of diapers. I only have three, and I know I've seen my fair share. Daughter #6 is very new to the family (I guess she's about 3 months old now), and in those wee first days, she, along will all newborns, blessed her mother with many a dirty diaper.
The question is, how do babies do it? No matter what kind of diaper, whether commercial or cloth, all babies bless us with one or more of these surprises, sometimes not even dirtying the diaper, making the process a real mystery.
I am now towards the end of my diapering years. Jensen is starting to examine the potty with much enthusiasm. We are not "potty pushers." He'll be potty trained when he is darn ready. As my mom always says, "They won't be going to college in diapers." Ain't that the truth!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Vegetable Politics
Though I am not a lover of politics, my husband is. To him, political season is like football season to most. Each debate is savored, each political analysis relished. It is no surprise, then, that my children have picked up on some of the political dialog going on in our house during this time of the year.
Yesterday, during our Saturday “down time,” the kids were running around the house saying silly phrases and one of them said Celery Clinton. Well, this opened up a flood of ideas. Could each of the possible presidential nominees have a veggie-related name?
Over dinner tonight, we were able to come up with names for the other possible nominees…while rolling on the floor laughing, of course.
Celery Clinton
Broccoli Obama
John McBean
Ralph Tater
The kids then spent the rest of the night running around the house, taking turns being Celery Clinton and Broccoli Obama, John McBean and Ralph Tater. They don’t know much about politics as of yet, but we hope that by exposing them to different schools of thought and differing opinions that they will be better citizens someday because of it.
Yesterday, during our Saturday “down time,” the kids were running around the house saying silly phrases and one of them said Celery Clinton. Well, this opened up a flood of ideas. Could each of the possible presidential nominees have a veggie-related name?
Over dinner tonight, we were able to come up with names for the other possible nominees…while rolling on the floor laughing, of course.
Celery Clinton
Broccoli Obama
John McBean
Ralph Tater
The kids then spent the rest of the night running around the house, taking turns being Celery Clinton and Broccoli Obama, John McBean and Ralph Tater. They don’t know much about politics as of yet, but we hope that by exposing them to different schools of thought and differing opinions that they will be better citizens someday because of it.
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